By roubicekandthacker Last week I had the privilege of interviewing Andrew Bauman, the author of the new book The PsycholoRead More →
Last week I had the privilege of interviewing Andrew Bauman, the author of the new book The Psycholo …read moreRead More →
We have some pretty exciting news for you.
Here’s the thing, we have a lot of resources for individuals and couples who are struggling with porn use.
Some of these cost money because they fund the development of new resources and initiatives.
But at the end of the day, we want to help as many people as possible…
So when I can announce that we have a new free resource that I think is going to help a lot of men and women I GET EXCITED.
Here is what we have available right NOW and I think you are going to love it.
I know the idea of sharing your struggle with your wife might seem pretty scary. But it’s what we need to do and these videos will help you with that process.
In this group, you will be able to access the video series I just told you about plus share with and hear from 1,000’s of other men all on the same journey as you. Plus, we have leaders and staff in this group who will be jumping in and offering encouragement and advice.
Yes, it’s his problem. But, it’s also yours because it impacts you and your marriage. You probably already know this but at times feel helpless because you don’t know what to do or how to help …read moreRead More →
If you are married to an addict, it can be so easy to fall into an unhealthy cycle with your spouse.
Addiction tends to do that. One partner struggles with the addiction and the other struggles to free them.
Sometimes, you don’t even realize that it is happening until you are deep into it. I have been there!
Fortunately, there are better ways to handle your response in the midst of recovery. Below are three steps that have helped me in so many ways. Hopefully they will cast some light for you too.
1. Let Go of Responsibility
When you are made aware of your spouse’s porn problem, the first natural reaction (after being tremendously hurt, of course) usually is the desire to fix it. That is what I tried to do. That is what a lot of other people have tried to do as well. I get it but I don’t recommend it.
First let’s reflect on a couple of truths about pornography addiction: one, your spouse’s addiction is not your fault. In fact, it usually has absolutely zero to do with you. Two, trying to fix your spouse’s problem usually results in more stress and less recovery.
With those two truths in mind, let’s look at what can and will happen when you begin to let go of the responsibility of “fixing” your spouse: once you truly understand that this pornography addiction is utterly not about you or what you lack or what you do or don’t do, there is freedom from responsibility to try and fix it. Nothing that you have done made your spouse go there and nothing you can do will make your spouse recover.
Listen, I know how difficult it is to believe that your spouse watching porn has nothing to do with you, but it’s true. Chances are he or she …read moreRead More →
In my marriage, I volunteered to do lots of things that I never did. Not in a timely fashion, at least.
HER: “We need to make an appointment with our tax guy.”
ME: “I’ll call him this week.”
HER: “One of our sprinkler heads is broken, and the grass in our front yard is turning brown.”
ME: “No problem. I’ll replace it this weekend.”
HER: “Can you help me upload the photos on my camera to the cloud? I can’t figure it out.”
ME: “Sure. Just leave your camera on my dresser and I’ll take care of it for you.”
If you’ve been married more than a month, you know what’s coming next.
Oh, it might not come for a week or two, but it’s coming.
“Did you call our tax guy?”
“Did you fix the sprinkler?”
“Can I have my camera back?”
Far too often, instead of owning it like a man, I stuttered and stammered my way into deeper
“Uhhh, let me think … tax guy … did I make that call? Hmmm. I remember I was going to. Oh
wait, that’s right, I was about to call him and set up our appointment when I got called into a
meeting. Crap! I’ll do it this week.”
“This week?! It should have been done months ago. Why didn’t you call him last week like you
said you would?! Aauuugh!”
“I didn’t have time.”
[Sound of my parachute not opening]
Here’s what “I didn’t have time” really means and what every frustrated woman hears in that
“I don’t really care that you lose sleep at night worrying about our taxes. I don’t really care that our front yard is ugly and embarrasses you. I don’t really care that you’re stressed out and fearful we might lose the family photos from our summer vacation. What matters to you doesn’t matter to me. You don’t matter to me. I have lots …read moreRead More →
By roubicekandthacker I’m excited to announce the kickoff of a new resource! My friend Staci Sprout is starting herRead More →
I’m excited to announce the kickoff of a new resource! My friend Staci Sprout is starting her …read moreRead More →
By roubicekandthacker This week I had two great opportunities to share my professional and personal perspectives on the loRead More →
This week I had two great opportunities to share my professional and personal perspectives on the lo …read moreRead More →
I created this powerful video to challenge fathers (and all parents) to wake-up and engage in the ba …read moreRead More →
Today is #GivingTuesday! Please donate to help us fight the harms of pornography, prostitution and sex trafficking:
~~ We really appreciate your kind support! It will allow us to keep our nonprofit up and running, so we can …read moreRead More →
The creators of the ‘Sexy Baby’ documentary on porn’s harms to teens have now premiered the ‘Hot Girls Wanted’ documentary’ — about the exploitative world of teen amateur porn:
Please support the campaign to BOYCOTT Fifty Shades of Grey and to donate to domestic violence shelters instead! ~~~ #50dollarsnot50shades !!
You can out more about this campaign at the Facebook page for “50 Dollars not 50 Shades” below, which we encourage you to LIKE and support!
Here is …read moreRead More →
We support comprehensive and age appropriate sex education, but we do NOT support teaching CHILDREN to use PORNOGRAPHY or ILLEGAL DRUGS, like this “adolescent sexuality conference” does! ~~
Here’s a powerful testimonial from a young woman who was just one of many teen victims of pornographic extortion — by a very sick man who ruined many girls’ lives.
Here is a powerful VIDEO from our SayNOtoSadomasochism YouTube channel! It addresses the parallels between BDSM and George Orwell’s 1984.
It’s by our new anti-BDSM ally and collaboration partner RepublicofSandals, who does a great job explaining how sadomasochism exemplifies the contradictions, double-think and insanity found in “1984.”
To sum it …read moreRead More →
Practicing BDSM often leads to SEVERE ABUSE: A mentally disabled teen girl was imprisoned, trafficked and tortured — for SIX YEARS — by a couple who pimped her out for profit to other sadists for their sick sexual pleasure.
First she was groomed with pornography, as is often the case with …read moreRead More →
Here’s a powerful, heartbreaking, but inspirational story of ex porn performer “Sunset Thomas” (@SunsetThomas) — who was in the porn industry for decades, (she made over 200 films), and who also worked for years in Nevada’s legal brothels.
Now known by her real name Diane, this article shares her story, describing …read moreRead More →
Porn exposure can be VERY harmful to children, as this tragic story of a teen boy almost driven to SUICIDE shows.
~ Lei Chung, 16, from China, had to share a bedroom with his parents
~ Says his father would watch pornographic films every night
~ Even if he covered …read moreRead More →
Here’s a powerful new article that explains how there’s nothing “sex positive” or “empowering” about pornography! ~~